The smiling thing really stood out to me. Random dudes demand that I smile on a regular basis. I always thought it was a little weird, but I never thought about how entirely culturally unacceptable it would be for me to demand that a random man walking down the street smile.
Ha! Laura that’s a good one. I have had numerous experiences with old crotchity men telling me to “smile.”
I used to own a business in the French Quarter (Jax Brewery) in New Orleans. I would be minding my own business, in a very public place and these old dudes (it was always old dudes) would make it their business to walk up to me and instruct me to “smile.” After the shock of hearing these insulting, “well meaning” suggestions, I came up with an extremely satisfactory retort.
They’d also make snide remarks about my reading the newspaper…”like I bet your boss doesn’t know your slacking off and reading a paper on the job.” It was always a pleasure to inform them that I was the boss.
I would add to the heterosexual privilege list: “My partner and I can go together to look at a potential home without getting a disapproving look from the real estate agent and then a promise to call us back. Of course, the call never comes.”
Also, I had the most unpleasant old man I have ever seen yell at me to “smile” as I was walking into the grocery store. He glowered at me as I stared back at him in disbelief.
When I say I am researching how culture exploits men, the first reaction is usually “How can you say culture exploits men, when men are in charge of everything?” This is a fair objection and needs to be taken seriously. It invokes the feminist critique of society. This critique started when some women systematically looked up at the top of society and saw men everywhere: most world rulers, presidents, prime ministers, most members of Congress and parliaments, most CEOs of major corporations, and so forth — these are mostly men.
Seeing all this, the feminists thought, wow, men dominate everything, so society is set up to favor men. It must be great to be a man.
The mistake in that way of thinking is to look only at the top. If one were to look downward to the bottom of society instead, one finds mostly men there too. Who’s in prison, all over the world, as criminals or political prisoners? The population on Death Row has never approached 51% female. Who’s homeless? Again, mostly men. Whom does society use for bad or dangerous jobs? US Department of Labor statistics report that 93% of the people killed on the job are men.
Shrub, by no means was I implying “Is There Anything Good About Men?’
Some of my best friends arr men…but just ike women…there’s the good and the not so good. That said…I never had a women command that I smile…so it seems to be an old codger issue, with unsmiling women.
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August 3rd, 2010 at 9:46 pm
The smiling thing really stood out to me. Random dudes demand that I smile on a regular basis. I always thought it was a little weird, but I never thought about how entirely culturally unacceptable it would be for me to demand that a random man walking down the street smile.
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August 3rd, 2010 at 11:26 pm
Ha! Laura that’s a good one. I have had numerous experiences with old crotchity men telling me to “smile.”
I used to own a business in the French Quarter (Jax Brewery) in New Orleans. I would be minding my own business, in a very public place and these old dudes (it was always old dudes) would make it their business to walk up to me and instruct me to “smile.” After the shock of hearing these insulting, “well meaning” suggestions, I came up with an extremely satisfactory retort.
They’d also make snide remarks about my reading the newspaper…”like I bet your boss doesn’t know your slacking off and reading a paper on the job.” It was always a pleasure to inform them that I was the boss.
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August 4th, 2010 at 8:45 am
I would add to the heterosexual privilege list: “My partner and I can go together to look at a potential home without getting a disapproving look from the real estate agent and then a promise to call us back. Of course, the call never comes.”
Also, I had the most unpleasant old man I have ever seen yell at me to “smile” as I was walking into the grocery store. He glowered at me as I stared back at him in disbelief.
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August 4th, 2010 at 5:24 pm
About the “male-privilege.” It’s not all its cracked up to be.
Is There Anything Good About Men?
http://www.psy.fsu.edu/~baumeistertice/goodaboutmen.htm
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August 4th, 2010 at 7:29 pm
Shrub, by no means was I implying “Is There Anything Good About Men?’
Some of my best friends arr men…but just ike women…there’s the good and the not so good. That said…I never had a women command that I smile…so it seems to be an old codger issue, with unsmiling women.
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