Apr
01

Surprising Statement That Is Untrue

By

april-fools-day-9As part of the annual April Fools Day internet festivities, Scrutiny Hooligans will proudly commit to making surprising and untrue statements.  We take national holidays very seriously here at ScruHoo, and it would be un-European of us to ignore this most vaunted of dates.  So be ready for some knee-slapping hijinks as we pull your legs, yank your chains, and twist your unsuspecting melons with hilarity inducing funnies.  It’s just too rich!

Scrutiny Hooligans is dead!  Ha ha ha!

Scrutiny Hooligans to turn to all-cleaning products format.

Gordon Smith cancels City Council bid after realizing that it means giving up watching The Biggest Loser.

(In order to prevent panic – Scrutiny Hooligans would like to inform you that these statements are untrue and intended for comedic purposes only.  Any pain, suffering, or lasting confusion caused by these statements are the responsibility of the reader.)

Carol Peterson and Bill Stanley create a new municipality and involuntarily annex Asheville ending the water dispute.

Carl Mumpower the odds-on favorite to be highest vote getter in City Council election later this year.

Asheville Chamber of Commerce has led western North Carolina in progressive and environmentally friendly business practices.  Chamber CEO Rick Lutovsky quipped yesterday, “We were just kidding about Alternative 3.  Who would believe that we’d advocate paving a historic neighborhood just so folks wouldn’t have to drive an extra half mile to Wal-Mart?  That’s absurd.”

(Warning – April Fools Day hijinks are intended to provoke whimsical, laugh-a-minute reactions in readers.  However, some readers may get very worked up and worried.  This may cause wrinkles or heart-attacks.  ScruHoo recommends reading with a “Fool-buddy” for your safety.)

Ron Paul Revolutionaries all refuse to pay taxes, look forward to stultifying prison meetings.

Dennis Kucinich embraces polyamory, invites Lucy Liu and Tyler Hansborough to join his harem.

(It is to laugh.)


Categories : Bread and Circuses

Comments

  1. Bryan Freeborn says:

    this is too campy.

    Rate this comment: Thumb up 0

  2. Mt. Xpress beat you to it!

    Rate this comment: Thumb up 0

  3. ObamaTJ says:

    My Obama tattoo is actually a press-on and I am getting tired of putting it on everyday.

    Rate this comment: Thumb up 0

  4. At the workdesk says:

    I have spent a few minutes reading the string of responses appended to the “manifesto” at MountainX.

    OK– I just stopped. It’s too painful to continue.

    Long live Scrutiny Hooligans.

    Rate this comment: Thumb up 0

  5. Doug Gibson says:

    Wanda Greene to issue public apology for Woodfin power plant, Parkside, and the big zoning snafu.

    Rate this comment: Thumb up 0

  6. Andrew says:

    Twaper. Oiy.

    Rate this comment: Thumb up 0