Judy Shepard, “We Love Who We Love”

At the American Counseling Association’s Annual Convention this past weekend, the Sunday Keynote Speaker was Judy Shepard.  Mrs. Shepard is the mother of Matthew Shepard, who was tortured and murdered because of his sexual orientation.  Matthew, once a student at Catawba College in Salisbury, NC, died in 1998, and his family has been tirelessly advocating for the cause of human rights ever since.

Below are excerpts from my on-the-fly transcription of Mrs. Shepard’s remarks. Her message is simple and clear – We are who we are, and we love who we love. Denying people rights based on who they love is the height of ignorance and/or bigotry.

If we don’t tell our stories, no one will know how to help us.  It’s time every state in this union had non-discrimination hiring laws.  There’s a federal bill being introduced to the Obama administration re: Hate Crimes.  Supporting this requires only that you respect the rights of people.  Why is it legal to fire someone because they’re gay?  We’re supposed to be the country of equality.  You pay taxes but you don’t get the benefits of marriage.  This is discrimination.

Housing, lending, jobs, adoption – it’s still legal to discriminate.  There’s nothing equal about that.  If you can go to Vegas and get married by Elvis, what’s the big deal?

How is a same sex marriage going to affect anyone else’s marriage?  You love who you love.  The heart knows what it wants.  That’s how we operate.  That’s how we roll.

It’s a civil rights issue.  The ceremony might not be, but all of the benefits of marriage are.

If you’re afraid of the gay community, then you don’t know anything about them.

The gay community is your pastor, insurance salesman, senator , congressman.  Why don’t they tell you?  Because they’re afraid they’ll be fired.  That’s just wrong.

You can’t tell me that my son would have been unable to share his life with someone he loved.  You don’t have the right to tell my son he can’t marry, live, work where he wants to.

We’re getting there, but we’re not there yet.  The next generation will make the change.  It’s going to happen.  We won’t ever be totally free of prejudice and racism, but the change will come.

We can’t go home and pretend the suffering isn’t out there.  It’s up to you to get out there and help.  We need you.

If you’re afraid to become a supporter of the LGBT community, just think of how they feel.  They don’t have the choice.  It’s who they are.
[...]
“I knew popular media.  I never once saw in the media that gay people could be in love, that they could be a couple and be happy.  To me this is tragic.  Matt said that he wished he had a book growing up that showed happy gay couples.”
[...]
“They need to feel comfortable talking to somebody about these issues.  There are ways to do this where no one/nothing is jeopardized.  This is not a support issue, it’s an issue of respect and equality.

The only way we’re gonna make it ok is to talk about it, to make it a part of everyone’s thinking.
Ignorant people think it’s all about the sex.  Is your marriage all about sex?

This is a form of bigotry.  Why do we care so much about that kind of sex?  This is a problem because many straight people think this is what it’s all about.  The gay community is so promiscuous, they say.  Many gay couples have been together for decades.  When I’m lobbying a congressman who’s been married four times, I wonder whose marriage he’s trying to protect.

This is hypocrisy at its finest.  I wonder who they think they’re protecting.

If you refuse to educate yourself about the issue, then it’s bigotry.  Educating yourself is vital.

You are dealt a hand of your life.  How you choose to live your life is up to you.

It’s wrong to tell our children that if they’re gay, they’re wrong.

They know who they are, but they grow up with shame because of us.  We tell them they’re an aberration.  They’ve always been here and will always be here.

Shame keeps gay people closeted.  We bleed the same, dream the same.  But we aren’t treated the same.  It only requires respect.  There’s nothing about being gay that’s criminal.  You deserve all the rights and all the privileges of being a citizen.

My regret is that we didn’t have more time with Matt.  He was a good kid, and I really miss him.”