Sep
04

Your Pocket Guide To Speaking Palinguage (Vol. 1)

By

John Ridley writes “Up in the Twin Cities, folks are speaking a new language. Or, should I say Palinguage. It sounds sorta familiar because it’s Latin based. But different from the plain English we’re used to speaking, in Palinguage recognizable words take on new meanings.

Won’t you take a moment to learn some Palinguage? Here are some of my helpful tips, a version of which appeared here earlier today.

REPEAT THE FOLLOWING:

If you’re a minority and you’re selected for a job over more qualified candidates you’re a “token hire.”

If you’re a conservative and you’re selected for a job over more qualified candidates you’re a “game changer.”

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If you live in an urban area and you get a girl pregnant you’re a “baby daddy.”

If you’re the same in Alaska you’re a “teen father.” (Actually, according to your own MySpace page you’re an F’n redneck that don’t want any kids, but that’s too long a phrase for the evil liberal media to take out of context and flog morning, noon and night.)

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Black teen pregnancies? A “crisis” in black America.

White teen pregnancies? A “blessed event.”

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If you grow up in Hawaii you’re “exotic.”

Grow up in Alaska eating moose burgers, you’re the quintessential “American story.”

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Similarly, if you name your kid Barack, you’re “unpatriotic.”

Name your kid Track, you’re “colorful.”

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If you’re a Democrat and you make a VP pick without fully vetting the individual, you’re “reckless.”

A Republican who doesn’t fully vet is a “maverick.”

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If you say that for the “first time in my adult lifetime I’m really proud of my country,” it makes you “unfit” to be first lady.

If you are a registered member of a fringe political group that advocates secession, that makes you the governor’s “first dude.”

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A DUI from 20 years ago is “old news.”

A speech given without proper citation from 20 years ago is “relevant information.”

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And, finally, if you’re a man and you decide to run for office despite your wife’s recurrence of cancer, you’re a “questionable spouse.”

If you’re a woman and you decide to run for office despite having five kids including a newborn… Well, we don’t know what that is ’cause THAT’S NOT A FAIR QUESTION TO ASK.

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Hilarious…


Categories : Republicans

Comments

  1. shadmarsh says:

    You got everything right except that English is a Germanic language, heavily flavored with Latin (roughly 50/40).

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  2. Gordon Smith says:

    Undercover Blue sent this email:

    “Republicans campaigned this week against Washington . They campaigned as reformers. They promised change, smaller government, fiscal responsibility, an energy policy, and tax cuts that create jobs. It’s as if the last eight years of Republican rule never happened. As if they’ve never tried any of it and never failed miserably. As if the Iraq occupation and its spiraling costs, cooked Iraq intelligence, Abu Ghraib, rendition, torture and Guantanamo never happened. As if the loss of America ’s international standing never happened. As if domestic surveillance, voiding habeas corpus and Posse Comitatus, record deficits, soaring debt and expanded government never happened. As if fired U.S. attorneys, vote suppression, Jack Abramoff and K-Street lobbyists, Rep. Mark Foley, the House page scandal and Sen. Larry “Wide-stance” Craig never happened. As if declining incomes, outsourced jobs, the sub-prime mortgage crisis, economic and energy uncertainty, and their hechuva job responding to Katrina had nothing to do with conservative rule. Seven years after 9/11, and they still can’t connect the dots.

    They told you there’d be candy and flowers.
    They told you they’d rebuild New Orleans .
    They told you we don’t torture people.
    They told you tax cuts would create jobs.
    They told you they’d restore honor and dignity.

    What else have they told you lately?”

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  3. scott says:

    POLITICS, n.
    “A strife of interests masquerading as a contest of principles. The conduct of public affairs for private advantage.”

    Devils Dictionary

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  4. Zombiebirdhouse says:

    I love Ambrose Bierce. He could be another honorary Hooligan down the road.

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  5. Paul says:

    Funny stuff, and points made with humor are almost always more effective. The only thing inaccurate thing in there is it was only 3 months time difference between Biden’s plagarized speech and the speech he plagarized, not 20 years. He did the palgarizing 20 years ago.

    That inaccuracy detracts from the credibility of the rest of it. You may want to delete that one thing so that does not detract from the rest of what you have.

    Here is the actual:

    May, 1987 – Neil Kinnock at Welsh Labour Party conference:

    “Why am I the first Kinnock in a thousand generations to be able to get to university? Was it because our predecessors were thick? Does anybody really think that they didn’t get what we had because they didn’t have the talent or the strength or the endurance or the commitment? Of course not. It was because there was no platform upon which they could stand”

    Sept 1987 – Joe Biden during his first presidential campaign:

    “Why is it that Joe Biden is the first in his family ever to go a university? Why is it that my wife… is the first in her family to ever go to college? Is it because our fathers and mothers were not bright? …Is it because they didn’t work hard? My ancestors who worked in the coal mines of northeast Pennsylvania and would come after 12 hours and play football for four hours? It’s because they didn’t have a platform on which to stand.”

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  6. Udon Nomee says:

    (Don’t feed the trolls… Don’t feed the trolls… Don’t feed the trolls… Don’t feed… Don’t… …)

    Paul #5
    “…The only thing inaccurate thing in there is it was only 3 months time difference between Biden’s plagarized speech and the speech he plagarized, not 20 years. He did the palgarizing 20 years ago….”

    I guess objective critical analysis is alot tougher outside of the ‘echo chamber’ of empty and meaningless rhetoric that, evidently, you must be used to.

    The sentence reads “…A speech given without proper citation from 20 years ago…”. Inaccurate in your imagination, perhaps, but in reality the error is yours.

    But not only is that irrelevant to the point, which is the blatant cynicism and hypocrisy displayed in the discrepancy between the way the two events are referred to, they aren’t even the words of this poster! The post begins by clearly crediting John Ridley as the author. It’s even a link!

    As long as you’re going to be wrong AND irrelevant, why not do so where the original author can belittle you properly…?

    (…Don’t feed the trolls… Don’t feed the -oops!)

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