Least Likely Newspaper Headlines In 2008
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I saw this over at Open Left and thought I’d bring it to ScruHoo to see what y’all came up with. Here are the Open Left submissions:
1. “Joe Lieberman Wins Democratic Presidential Nomination”
2. “US Comes Down Hard on Saudi Arabia for Anything”
3. “Abortion Debate Resolved”
4. “Bush Spends Final Year in Office as Uniter not Divider”
5. “Condoleeza Rice Does Something”
6. “Global Warming Not a Problem Scientists Now Say”
7. “Michael Vick Passes for 4,000 Yards”
8. “Americans Tired of So Much AIDS in Africa Media Coverage”
9. “Larry King Canceled”
10. “Congress Ends War”
Here are a few from me. See if you can do better in the comments.
11. “Selena Sullivan Appointed To Fill Jones Vacancy on Council”
12. “Deal Buick Site Goes Green”
13. “Business Community Apologizes For Whining About Environmental Regulations”
14. “Meet Our Newest Congressman – Carl Mumpower!”
15. “Gantt and Ramsey Caught In Bathroom Tryst”
11 Comments
December 26th, 2007 at 2:43 pm
“Next President To Restore Constitution”
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December 26th, 2007 at 4:20 pm
2008 Election Surprise: Americans wake up, Elect Leaders that will represent the People, not Big Business!
RNC and DNC admitting being beholden to top 2% of wealthiest Americans – Dean:”We are actually one Party pretending to be two!”
Bush kicked out from Texas for pretending to be a Southerner Good Old Boy – Dixie Chicks vindicated
Congress approves Commercial Hemp production – Energy Crisis solved – million new American jobs created
Bush and Cheney Families announce relocating to Iraq by end of 2008 – G.W.:”We know we will be greeted as Lybrators, hehehe” Dick:”I can’t wait to get all those flowers, not to mention the candy”
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December 26th, 2007 at 6:52 pm
“Harry Reid Finds Balls”
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December 26th, 2007 at 7:56 pm
“Border finally secured, temporary worker visas issued without red tape”
“Politicians speak truthfully, plainly”
“Liberals and Conservatives admit they have their own flaws, hug it out”
“Ron Paul comes clean: ‘I really don’t know what the fuck I’m talking about’”
“Gravel admits he was ‘just kidding’”
“Stompers and Hooligans agree…”
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December 26th, 2007 at 8:01 pm
For Arratik:
“Harry Reid admits he never had balls in the first place”
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December 26th, 2007 at 11:31 pm
Non-Partisan Election Supporters Realize They Fucked Up: “Oh, I get it now, we could have had Newman, Freeborn and Lite. Damn”, one supporter said.
Green Party Advocates Get Off Their Asses And Knock On Doors To Talk To Voters: “Wow, this is a lot harder than it looks”, one Greenie said.
Elaine Lite Apologizes For Running A Negative Campaign: “Yeah, I really made some unfair attacks against my fellow progressives. Sorry”, Lite said.
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December 27th, 2007 at 12:14 pm
Benizar Bhutto and Pervez Musharraf Finalize Power Sharing Agreement in Islamabad
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December 27th, 2007 at 1:46 pm
Newman, Jones, and Cape admit to extorting Freeborn into voting for Partisan Elections and then screwing him out of seat on council. “I had no idea that Brian would believe me when I said I would campaign for me,†Jones says. Cape followed by saying “I hope that we can still be friends.†Newman had the last word on the subject, “Thank god Freeborn lost. He actually tried to help people.â€
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December 27th, 2007 at 2:01 pm
Thanks to Operation Republican Takeover, Tim Peck is elected to Buncombe County Commission beating out Joe Dun in Republican Primary. “I never doubted for a movement that my superior understanding of the constitution and political currents of Asheville would aid me in crushing the name recognition and talent of all other candidates.”
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December 28th, 2007 at 3:10 pm
Housing Sales Down in Asheville: Potential Residents Saying, “We Don’t Want to Spoil Things.”
Republicans Drop “Voter Fraud” Farce, Actually Encourage People to Vote
And one inspired by this thread:
Liberals End Circular Firing Squad at National, Local Levels
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December 28th, 2007 at 5:28 pm
Non-Partisan Election Supporters Realize They Fucked Up: “Oh, I get it now, we could have had Newman, Freeborn and Lite. Damnâ€, one supporter said Good Grief. THANKS, LET ASHEVILLE VOTE. No regrets there.
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